Your Nervous System Isn’t Broken: Discover Safety Cues to Regulate your Body During Scary, Uncertain Times
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There are moments in clinical work—and in life—when a concept doesn’t just make sense intellectually, but lands somatically. When something clicks not because you learned it for the first time, but because you finally recognized it in real time.
That’s what happened recently when I watched a long-held physiological pattern begin to shift—not through force, discipline, or “doing more,” but through something far more subtle:
Safety cues.
Once you see them, you can’t unsee them. And once you name them, they change everything.
What Are Safety Cues?
Safety cues are signals the nervous system uses to decide whether it is safe to release, rest, digest, repair, and regulate—or whether it needs to stay guarded, braced, and holding on.
They are not affirmations.
They are not mindset shifts.
They are not intellectual insights.
They are bottom-up, physiological information that the brain and body continuously scan for, largely outside of conscious awareness.
Your nervous system is always asking one primary question:
“Am I safe enough right now to let go?”
If the answer is no—even subtly—the body adapts accordingly.
Why Safety Cues Matter for The Nervous System, Especially in Today's World
We are living in a time of chronic, ambient threat.
Not always acute trauma, but:
• financial precarity
• relational instability
• social polarization
• constant performance and visibility
• burnout normalized as productivity
• emotional labor without recovery
For many people—especially those who are high-functioning, empathetic, caregiving, or over-responsible—the nervous system has quietly learned:
“Holding it together keeps me safe.”
And the body listens.
What the Body Does When It Doesn’t Feel Safe
When the nervous system perceives threat—relational, emotional, or environmental—it shifts into survival physiology:
• Cortisol remains elevated
• Aldosterone increases → sodium and water retention
• Lymphatic flow slows
• Fascia tightens
• Inflammation increases
• Digestion and elimination downshift
• Rest and repair are deprioritized
This is not pathology.
This is adaptation.
The body is conserving resources, bracing for impact, staying vigilant.
Which is why so many people report:
• unexplained puffiness or swelling
• feeling “inflamed” without clear cause
• weight that feels resistant, not responsive
• tension that doesn’t release with effort
• exhaustion without sleepiness
The body is not broken.
It is protecting.
Why Chronic Stress in the Body Spills Into Mental Health and Relationships (and Why This Matters Right Now)
When the body stays under chronic stress—when it’s braced, inflamed, hypervigilant, or holding on—it quietly reshapes how we think, feel, and relate, often without us realizing it. Decades of research in stress physiology, attachment theory, and interpersonal neurobiology show that a nervous system in survival mode has less access to empathy, curiosity, patience, and nuance. The brain becomes more threat-focused, more rigid, and more reactive. This is why people who are deeply stressed often feel “not like themselves”: they snap more easily, withdraw more quickly, feel overwhelmed by small things, or lose the capacity to stay emotionally present with partners, children, or friends. It’s not because they don’t care—it’s because their nervous system is prioritizing protection over connection.
In times like these—when safety feels uncertain socially, economically, or within our communities—this pattern becomes widespread. People aren’t just anxious; they’re physiologically overloaded. And when bodies don’t feel safe, relationships become collateral damage. Conversations escalate faster. Misunderstandings feel personal. Repair feels exhausting or impossible. Many people start blaming themselves or their relationships, assuming something is “wrong,” when in reality their nervous system is doing exactly what it evolved to do under threat: stay alert, stay guarded, don’t let go.
This is why learning to notice and intentionally use safety cues matters so much right now.
You cannot think your way into calm when your body feels unsafe—but you can help your nervous system feel safer even in an unsafe world. Safety cues give the body real-time evidence that nothing bad is happening in this moment, which allows stress hormones to lower, inflammation to ease, and emotional capacity to widen again. When the body softens, the mind follows. When the nervous system settles, people become more patient, more connected, and more capable of responding rather than reacting. This isn’t self-care fluff—it’s a foundational skill for mental health, relational stability, and getting through scary, uncertain times without burning everything down around you.
How Chronic Body Stress Impacts Mental Health and Relationships
When the body remains in a state of chronic stress or inflammation, it doesn’t just affect physical health—it profoundly shapes mental health and relational functioning. Research in interpersonal neurobiology and attachment science shows that prolonged nervous system activation narrows emotional bandwidth, reduces cognitive flexibility, and lowers tolerance for ambiguity and repair. In this state, the brain prioritizes protection over connection: partners become more reactive or withdrawn, misunderstandings escalate faster, and empathy becomes harder to access. Chronic physiological stress also impacts mood regulation, contributing to anxiety, irritability, depressive symptoms, and a sense of emotional numbness or overwhelm. Over time, relationships can begin to mirror the body’s internal state—tense, guarded, easily flooded—creating cycles where unresolved stress in the nervous system shows up as conflict, disconnection, or emotional distance. This is not a failure of character or commitment; it is the predictable outcome of bodies trying to stay safe in environments that feel uncertain. When safety cues are restored at the physiological level, mental clarity improves, emotional regulation strengthens, and relationships gain more room for attunement, repair, and resilience.
The Missing Piece: Felt Safety vs. Cognitive Safety
One of the most misunderstood concepts in mental health is this:
👉 The body does not respond to what you know.
👉 It responds to what it feels.
You can logically understand that you are safe and still have a nervous system that disagrees.
Safety cues are what help bridge that gap.
Common Safety Cues (That Often Go Unnoticed) That Help to Regulate the Nervous System
Safety cues can include:
• steady, gentle pressure (compression, containment)
• warmth that is soothing, not overwhelming
• predictability and routine
• low-demand environments
• autonomy and choice
• reduced sensory input
• being emotionally understood
• not being evaluated or watched
• slow, rhythmic movement
• consistency over intensity
None of these are dramatic.
That’s the point.
The nervous system relearns safety through boring, reliable signals, not peak experiences.
What to Do When You Feel Unsafe (or “On Edge” in Your Body)
When people feel chronically unsafe—politically, economically, relationally—the instinct is often to fix, push, or override the feeling.
But safety is not created through force.
It is created through physiological reassurance.
Here are evidence-based ways to offer your nervous system safety cues in real time:
1. Add Containment Before You Add Insight
Gentle pressure—compression garments, a weighted blanket, hugging a pillow, placing a hand on your chest or abdomen—provides proprioceptive input that signals “I am held.”
Containment helps the body settle before the mind can.
2. Choose Warmth Over Intensity
Soothing warmth (not extreme heat) supports vasodilation and relaxation. Think warm showers, heating pads, or gentle light exposure rather than aggressive sauna or hot yoga when already dysregulated.
The goal is comfort, not endurance.
3. Reduce Demand
Safety increases when demand decreases. This can look like:
• fewer decisions
• less multitasking
• shorter to-do lists
• permission to move slowly
A nervous system that feels rushed does not feel safe.
4. Anchor in Rhythm
Slow walking, rocking, gentle stretching, or paced breathing gives the body rhythm—one of the oldest safety signals in human physiology.
Rhythm tells the nervous system:
“We are not being chased.”
5. Limit Sensory Load
Lower lighting. Reduce background noise. Step away from constant news or social media input when possible.
Less stimulation = fewer threat cues.
6. Prioritize Being Understood
Feeling emotionally seen—by a partner, therapist, friend, or even through journaling—is a powerful safety cue.
Misattunement activates threat.
Attunement calms it.
7. Focus on Consistency, Not Optimization
The nervous system does not trust one-off interventions. It trusts patterns.
Small, repeatable safety cues practiced daily are far more regulating than occasional “perfect” self-care.
What Happens When the Body Finally Gets the Message
When safety cues are present and consistent, the nervous system begins to downshift:
• Fluid can move
• Tension can release
• Digestion improves
• Inflammation reduces
• Regulation becomes possible
• Sleep deepens
• The body stops guarding so aggressively
This is not willpower.
This is physiology responding to safety.
As one simple truth in nervous system work goes:
The body only lets go when it feels safe enough to do so.
Why Naming This Matters
For many people, especially those navigating trauma histories, caregiving roles, and prolonged uncertainty, the problem was never “not trying hard enough.”
The problem was never being shown how to feel safe in their body.
Having language—safety cues—matters.
Because what we can name, we can notice.
What we can notice, we can support.
And what we support consistently, the nervous system can trust.
The Takeaway
If your body has been holding on—physically, emotionally, metabolically—it may not need more discipline.
It may need more safety.
Not performative calm.
Not forced positivity.
But real, felt, physiological reassurance.
And that is something we can learn—especially in a world that feels increasingly unstable.
If this resonates, you’re not alone.
And you’re not failing.
Your nervous system has simply been doing its job.
And now, finally, we have language for how to help it soften.
A Closing Note for Anyone Feeling Overwhelmed Right Now
If you are reading this and realizing how much your body has been holding—how vigilant, tense, inflamed, or on edge you’ve felt lately—please know this: nothing about that response means you are weak, broken, or failing. It means your nervous system has been doing its job in a time that has felt genuinely unsafe for many people. In moments of societal unrest, uncertainty, and fear—when communities are on alert and the ground feels unsteady—our bodies naturally shift into protection. That response deserves understanding, not judgment.
Learning to notice and use safety cues is one way to begin offering your body something different: moments of containment, warmth, rhythm, and reassurance that allow your system to soften without denying reality. And for many people, especially those carrying trauma histories, caregiving responsibilities, or ongoing exposure to stress, learning these cues is not something that has to happen alone. Trauma-informed therapeutic support can provide a regulated, attuned space where safety is not just discussed, but felt—where your nervous system can experience what it’s like to be understood, held, and supported while the world remains uncertain. If you are feeling overwhelmed or afraid right now, reaching for that kind of support is not an overreaction; it is a deeply reasonable response to living in difficult times. Safety is not the absence of threat—it is the presence of enough support to help your body remember it does not have to carry everything by itself.
If this resonated, you don’t have to figure out safety cues—or carry this level of stress—on your own. Trauma-informed therapy offers a space where your nervous system doesn’t have to perform, explain, or stay on guard. Together, we can slow things down, help your body feel safer, and build practical tools for regulation and connection—especially during times of uncertainty and societal unrest. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, on edge, or emotionally exhausted, reaching out for support is not a failure of resilience; it’s a meaningful step toward feeling steadier in your body and your relationships.
Learn more about working together or schedule a consultation at Love Is a Verb Counseling.
