Why More Couples Are Choosing Marathon Therapy Instead of Weekly Counseling (And Seeing Breakthroughs Faster)

When weekly couples therapy keeps scratching the surface, couples marathon therapy can create the depth, repair, and momentum relationships often need.

There’s a moment many couples know well.

You finally bring the hard thing into therapy.

The real hurt starts surfacing.

You begin touching the pattern underneath the conflict…

…and session time is up.

You leave raw, unfinished, and wait another week.

For many couples, traditional 50-minute therapy can feel like trying to repair years of disconnection in fragments.

Too often, just when you’re getting somewhere—

you have to stop.

That’s one reason more couples are turning to Couples Marathon Therapy—also known as Couples Intensives or Brief Intensive Couples Therapy—for deeper, faster breakthroughs.

And honestly?

There’s a reason it works.

What Is Couples Marathon Therapy?

Couples marathon therapy is an extended, immersive therapy format where we work together for several concentrated hours or multiple days, rather than meeting weekly.

Instead of spreading deep relational work across months, we create protected space for meaningful movement now.

Think:

• Half-day intensives

• Full-day relationship intensives

• Multi-day couples marathons

• 2+ hours of couples therapy

Less stop-start.

More sustained healing.

Less crisis management.

More transformation.

Why Couples Are Choosing Intensives Over Weekly

Therapy

Because many couples don’t need more time between sessions.

They need more time inside the work.

In traditional therapy, couples often spend:

• Reorienting each session

• Revisiting last week’s conflict

• Rebuilding emotional safety before going deeper

• Running out of time when vulnerability finally appears

In a marathon intensive, we stay with the process.

We don’t stop when the breakthrough starts.

We follow it.

And that changes things.

Why Marathon Therapy Works

1. We Get Under the Pattern, Not Just Manage the Symptoms

Most recurring arguments are not really about chores, parenting, sex, or money.

They’re often about attachment wounds, nervous system reactions, old injuries, unmet needs.

That takes depth to uncover.

Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), I help couples identify and shift the negative cycle driving disconnection—so partners stop fighting each other and begin understanding the pattern that keeps pulling them apart.

Often that alone is a turning point.

2. There’s Time for Real Repair

This is where intensive work can be powerful.

Not just insight—

repair.

Using the Gottman Method, couples practice:

• Repair attempts in real time

• De-escalating conflict

• Rebuilding trust

• Strengthening emotional friendship

• Learning healthier ways to communicate under stress

• Moving from gridlock toward understanding

Not theory.

Live practice.

Supported in the room.

That’s different than talking about relationship skills.

That’s experiencing them.

3. Trauma Isn’t Treated Like “Bad Communication”

Sometimes what looks like conflict is actually trauma showing up.

Shutdown.

Defensiveness.

Pursuit.

Withdrawal.

Hypervigilance.

Reactivity.

A trauma-informed lens helps us understand those moments with compassion instead of blame.

In marathon therapy, there’s time to slow those moments down and work with what’s happening underneath—not just react to what happened on the surface.

For many couples, this changes the story from:

“What’s wrong with us?”

to

“What’s happening between us makes sense.”

That can be profoundly healing.

4. Neurodivergent Differences Get Honored, Not Pathologized

Some relationship struggles aren’t about lack of love—

they’re about different wiring.

Different processing.

Different nervous systems.

A neurodivergent-affirming lens can be essential when couples are navigating:

• Misattunement around communication

• Sensory overwhelm

• Executive functioning stress

• Different conflict processing styles

• Pursue-withdraw dynamics

• Feeling misunderstood or “too much / not enough”

Instead of framing difference as dysfunction, we work toward understanding, accommodation, and connection.

For many couples, this lens creates enormous relief.

And often, long overdue compassion.

5. You Build Momentum Instead of Starting Over Every Session

Typcial 50 minute therapy can sometimes feel like:

Start.

Stop.

Start.

Stop.

Intensives allow momentum.

And momentum often creates breakthroughs.

Many couples say they make more progress in one intensive than months of fragmented work.

That isn’t because healing is rushed.

It’s because it has room.

What to Expect in a Couples Marathon Intensive

Couples often ask:

“What actually happens in an intensive?”

While every marathon therapy experience is customized, it often includes:

Deep Relationship Assessment

Understanding your conflict cycle, attachment dynamic, wounds, and goals.

Focused Breakthrough Work

Targeting the root patterns driving disconnection.

Guided Repair Conversations

Facilitated conversations that help couples have conversations they haven’t been able to have alone.

Gottman + EFT Interventions

Evidence-based relational work combined with emotionally deep repair.

Trauma-Informed Support

Working with nervous system responses—not against them.

Practical Tools + Integration

Real tools to carry into daily life after the intensive ends.

It isn’t endless processing.

It’s deep work with direction.

Who Is Marathon Therapy For?

This can be especially powerful for couples who:

• Feel stuck in the same painful cycles

• Have tried weekly therapy and want deeper work

• Are recovering from betrayal or trust rupture

• Feel disconnected but don’t want to lose the relationship

• Need concentrated support due to demanding schedules

• Want premarital deep work before marriage

• Want real momentum, not months of slow circling

Sometimes relationships don’t need more avoidance.

They need protected space.

Why Brief Intensive Couples Therapy Can Work Faster

“Brief” doesn’t mean shallow.

It means concentrated.

Focused.

Intentional.

When therapy has enough time for:

• emotional depth

• repeated interventions

• live repair

• nervous system regulation

• repeated corrective experiences

change can happen surprisingly quickly.

Not because it’s rushed.

Because it’s immersive.

Expectation vs Reality

Expectation: Couples therapy means learning communication tips once a week.

Reality: Sometimes what creates change is having enough time to finally get underneath what’s been hurting.

That’s what marathon therapy offers.

Not a shortcut.

A deeper path.

Why Clients Are Drawn to This Work

Because this isn’t just “more hours of therapy.”

It’s an integrative approach that blends:

• Gottman Method for practical relationship repair

• Emotionally Focused Therapy for attachment healing

• Trauma-informed care for deeper emotional safety

• Neurodivergent-affirming perspectives for honoring difference, not pathologizing it

That combination helps couples move beyond symptom management into real relational healing.

And that’s often what they’ve been searching for.

Final Thoughts

Relationships rarely struggle because couples don’t care enough.

More often, they’re trapped in patterns they don’t know how to shift alone.

Couples marathon therapy creates the time, depth, structure, and support to interrupt those patterns and create something new.

Sometimes one concentrated relational reset can shift what years of gridlock couldn’t.

And that can change everything.

Love Is A Verb Counseling

The New Generational Wealth: Deliberate Communication (and Why It Matters More Than Ever)

There’s a quiet shift happening in therapy rooms lately—and if I’m honest, it’s one of the most important conversations we’re not having loudly enough.

We’re redefining wealth.

Not as money. Not as home ownership.Not even as stability.

But as something far more protective in modern relationships:

The ability to stay connected—to yourself and your partner—under pressure.

Because right now?

Pressure is the baseline.

The Millennial Reality No One Prepared Us For

Many of the couples I work with are not failing because they don’t love each other.

They’re overwhelmed.

• No consistent childcare

• Dual careers (or financial pressure to maintain them)

• Limited time together

• Constant logistical demands

• Mental load that never fully turns off

So what happens?

They start triaging life instead of tending to their relationship.

Conversations become:

• Transactional (“Did you pick that up?”)

• Avoidant (“We’ll talk about it later…”)

• Or explosive (because everything bottled up finally comes out)

And slowly—almost invisibly—the relationship gets deprioritized.

Not intentionally. But structurally.

The Truth About Family Life Cycles

From a developmental and family systems perspective, this is not surprising.

There are seasons—especially when raising young children—where:

• Time is scarce

• Energy is depleted

• The relationship naturally moves to the back burner

This is normal.

But here’s the part most people don’t realize:

If you don’t take deliberate steps to stay connected during these phases, the relationship doesn’t just pause—it erodes.

This is where couples start to say:

• “We feel like roommates.”

• “We’re just co-parenting.”

• “I don’t even know how to talk to you anymore.”

Not because love disappeared.

But because communication did.

Why Deliberate Communication Is the New Wealth

In past generations, stability often came from external structures—extended family, clearer roles, more built-in support.

Now?

You are the system.

Which means your ability to:

• Communicate clearly

• Repair quickly

• Stay emotionally attuned

• Regulate under stress

…is what determines whether your relationship survives the season you’re in.

That’s why I call this generational wealth.

Because:

Couples who can communicate deliberately don’t just survive stress—they stay connected through it.

But There’s a Missing Piece: Deliberate Receiving

We talk a lot about communication.

But what I see in sessions, over and over again, is this:

People aren’t just struggling to express themselves. They’re struggling to receive each other.

Because when you’re overwhelmed, your nervous system goes into protection:

• You hear feedback as criticism

• You hear needs as pressure

• You hear vulnerability as “one more thing I have to manage”

So even when one partner does communicate well…

…it doesn’t land.

Relationships = Two Regulated Nervous Systems (Trying Their Best)

This is where the deeper work comes in.

Healthy relationships are not just about communication skills. They’re about nervous system capacity.

If your body is in fight, flight, or shutdown:

• You will defend instead of listen

• Withdraw instead of engage

• React instead of respond

This is why I integrate DBT and mindfulness practices daily with clients—not just during conflict.

The Skill That Changes Everything: Thinking Therapy Out Loud

One of the most transformative shifts I teach is this:

Learn how to let your partner into your process—while it’s happening.

Instead of: “We never have time for each other.”

It becomes: “I’m noticing I feel disconnected lately, and I think part of me is overwhelmed with everything we’re juggling—and I don’t want us to lose each other in that.”

That’s deliberate communication.

And just as importantly—deliberate receiving sounds like:

“I hear that you’re feeling disconnected… and I can see how much we’ve both been stretched thin. I want that to feel different too.”

Feel vs. Think: The Foundation of Real Connection

Most couples try to solve relationship issues cognitively.

But connection happens emotionally.

So we slow it down:

• What am I feeling right now?

• What am I thinking about that feeling?

• What’s happening in my body?

This is meta-emotion and meta-cognition—core skills in both DBT and relational therapy.

Because when you can observe yourself:

You stop escalating. You start connecting.

Gottman Perspective: Connection Is Built in the Smallest Moments

From a Gottman Institute perspective, relationships don’t fall apart from one big moment.

They erode through missed bids for connection.

• Not responding when your partner reaches out

• Letting stress override small moments of care

• Failing to repair quickly after tension

And here’s what’s critical for this generation:

When time is limited, those small moments matter even more.

Because you don’t have hours to reconnect.

You have minutes.

The Practices That Actually Sustain Relationships in Real Life

Not ideal life.

Not pre-kids life.

Real life.

Start here:

• STOP Skill (DBT):

  
  

  Take a breath...

  
  

  Observe Mindfully

  
  

  Proceed intentionally

  
  

• Name your internal experience:

  
  

  “A part of me feels…” (IFS language creates space instead of blame)

• Micro-connections:

  
  

  Eye contact, touch, quick check-ins—even 30 seconds matters

• Gratitude (out loud):

  
  

  “Thank you for handling that today—I know we’re both stretched”

• Deliberate receiving:

  
  

  Listen to understand, not defend

  
  

What This Looks Like in a Busy, Real Relationship

Instead of: “We never spend time together.”

It becomes: “I miss you. I know we’re both doing our best, but I don’t want us to drift. Can we find even small ways to reconnect this week?”

That shift?

That’s what keeps relationships intact during the hardest seasons.

Final Thought: This Is What Actually Lasts

Money helps.

Support helps.

Time helps.

But none of those guarantee connection.

The couples who last are the ones who learn how to stay emotionally connected—even when life makes it hard.

That’s not luck.

That’s skill.

That’s practice.

That’s deliberate communication—and deliberate receiving.

And in this generation?

That might be the most valuable thing you can build.

Britney Spears, Bipolar Disorder, and the Parts of Mental Illness We Still Don’t Understand

What Bipolar Disorder Really Looks Like: Mania, Psychosis, and Britney Spears: From the Perspective of a Trauma-Informed Neurodivergent Affirming Mental Health Therapist

By Danielle Roxborough, LMFT | Love Is a Verb Counseling

We Are Watching Something—But We’re Not Naming It Correctly

Every few years, the world turns back toward Britney Spears. Each time, it feels the same. A clip goes viral. A headline hits. People start trying to make sense of what they’re seeing. Almost immediately, the conversation splits:

“She’s finally free.”

“She’s not okay.”

“Leave her alone.”

“Someone needs to help her.”

But what I keep noticing—over and over again—is this:

We are watching something real, something clinical, something deeply human…and we are still not naming it correctly.

As a trauma-informed LMFT who specializes in neurodivergence, trauma, relationships, and mood disorders, I can’t view what’s happening through a purely cultural lens anymore. I don’t just see behavior; I see patterns. I see nervous system dysregulation. I see what severe mental illness actually looks like when it’s not fully contained, supported, or understood, in conjunction with systematic failure and an environment of patriarchal oppression. I also see how quickly the public tries to interpret something they’ve never been taught to recognize.

Bipolar Disorder

I Was “Team Free Britney”—Until I Understood Bipolar Disorder Differently

I want to start here because I think it matters. I was, and still am, always team Britney. I was fully team Free Britney. Before I had a deep, clinical understanding of Bipolar I Disorder—not just textbook, but lived, observed, and worked with—you would not have caught me listening to Kevin Federline. Not even a little.

Like many people, I saw the conservatorship as controlling, oppressive, outdated, and potentially exploitative. After reading The Woman in Me, I still believe there were aspects of that system that were deeply dehumanizing for her. She describes a lack of autonomy, forced treatment, and medications—like lithium—that felt heavy, silencing, and not chosen. That matters. That experience matters. It's valid, especially considering oppressive patriarchal systems like her own family of origin, her father's leadership within the conservatorship, and the patriarchal medical systems that listened to her father's voice over her own.

But what I understand now that I didn’t understand then is this:

When it comes to severe mental illness, especially Bipolar I Disorder, we cannot think in binaries.

Two things can be true at the same time. The conservatorship may have been oppressive. And it may have also been—at certain points—the line between stability and spiraling. That’s a hard truth to sit with.

The Uncomfortable Truth: Our Mental Health System Is Not Built for This

The conservatorship is not a good system. It is not what we want mental health care to look like. It is not collaborative, nuanced, or trauma-informed in the way we would hope. But it is, in many cases, one of the only systems we have for individuals who are unable—consistently—to manage safety, decision-making, or functioning due to severe psychiatric illness.

And that’s the part that feels important to name:

The “best systems” we currently have for severe mental illness are still incredibly limited.

So when Britney lost that structure—without what appears to be a clearly defined, healthy, supportive replacement—we are not just watching someone gain freedom. We may be watching what happens when a system that requires structure suddenly doesn’t have it.

The Missing Layer: Misogyny, Power, and Why This Conversation Is So Divided

There’s another perspective that has been circulating—one that argues Britney’s story is less about mental illness and more about misogyny, control, and what happens when a woman resists systems of power. And I want to say this clearly: that perspective is not wrong. Britney Spears has been subjected to:

• Intense public scrutiny

• Media exploitation

• A level of control over her autonomy that raises serious ethical concerns

  
  

We have to be able to name that. We must see how gender, power, and systemic dynamics shaped her experience. But my perspective integrates it all; it is holistic, and it's not binary:

It cannot be only that.

What I see clinically—and what decades of psychiatric research supports—is that Bipolar I Disorder is not created by misogyny alone. It is neurological. It is physiological. It follows patterns over time. When we reduce everything to oppression, we risk missing something critical:

The very real, very serious nature of the illness itself.

And that matters—because if we don’t name the illness, we can’t treat it. We still hold space and validity for the truth of Britney's oppression, because that has also contributed to her human experience and views on medicine and society. She has been failed, it's true. If it is true that she's been systematically oppressed and failed, it can also be true that she suffers from a severe mental illness, which also threatens her safety if untreated. Now, it is her choice to manage—or not.

Let’s dive into Bipolar Disorder. This blog post will focus on the aspects of severe mental illness that society has not caught up with yet. My goal is to spread awareness to help people gain a balanced and grounded perspective on what it looks like and how to support anyone going through it.

Bipolar I Disorder Is Not “Mood Swings”

We have minimized bipolar disorder into something digestible: highs and lows, up and down, emotional variability. But Bipolar I Disorder is not that. It is a severe, brain-based illness.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 2.8% of U.S. adults experience bipolar disorder annually, and a significant portion of those cases are classified as severe. It also carries one of the highest suicide rates of any psychiatric condition. This is not just emotional. This is neurological and physical.

Bipolar disorder affects sleep, energy, cognition, impulse control, memory, and, at times, even perception of reality. I often explain it like this:

It’s not that feelings go up and down. It’s that the entire system gets turned high or low to a level the brain cannot regulate.

What Is Actually Happening in the Brain

(“Brain Storms”)

During bipolar episodes, there are real, measurable changes happening in the brain. Dopamine increases—affecting reward and drive. Glutamate activity rises—creating excitatory overload. The prefrontal cortex—responsible for judgment and impulse control—becomes less effective. The limbic system—our emotional center—becomes overactive.

One of the most important regulators of mood—sleep—becomes disrupted or disappears entirely. This is why I often describe bipolar episodes as:

A neurological “brain storm”—where multiple systems are activated at once, and the brain loses its ability to regulate itself.

Over time, research shows that repeated episodes are associated with changes in brain structure, reduced gray matter in certain areas, and impairments in executive functioning and memory. This is why bipolar disorder is often considered progressive when untreated. I also like to consider Bipolar Disorder as a chronic illness.

Episodes can last weeks, months, or even years, depending on the type, the individual, and the treatment or lack of treatment. There are periods of cycling, rapid-cycling, ultra-rapid cycling, etc. These periods of time may look like one episode after another, from one mood pole to the other, and even mixed or in-between states. These are not just mood swings; these are full-bodied, mental, physical, and emotional experiences.

Depressive Episodes: "A Flat Gray World"

A depressive episode isn't just feeling sad; it's like carrying a ton of bricks on your back, with associated thoughts of hopelessness, shame, guilt, disconnection, and a lack of the ability to feel or be present. Energy is at an all-time low, and even getting out of bed may feel literally painful for someone suffering through a Bipolar depressive episode. Many report suicidal thoughts and ideation, and many feel trapped inside their own body.

Individuals might pull away from their families, stop going to their jobs, cease participating in everyday life habits, and neglect their personal health and hygiene. They may sleep all day or not at all. They may even suffer from delusions, hallucinations, or psychosis. This is why many struggling with Bipolar Disorder are misdiagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and/or ADHD. Often, those struggling with Bipolar Disorder don't receive an accurate diagnosis for years, which intensifies and lengthens the duration of episodes or mood cycles.

Bipolar disorder is also a "threshold" illness. Here’s the part that most people don’t know—but it changes everything once you understand it: Bipolar disorder has a threshold. That threshold does not strengthen over time without treatment; it actually becomes more sensitive.

The Kindling Effect: Why Episodes Get Easier Over Time

Clinically, we see what’s called the kindling effect. This means:

Each episode makes the brain more vulnerable to the next one.

The first episode might take a significant trigger. But over time:

• Episodes can happen more easily.

• Triggers can become smaller.

• Recovery can take longer.

• Baseline functioning can shift.

  
  

I often explain this to clients like this:

The brain learns the pathway of an episode. Once that pathway is carved, it becomes easier for the brain to return to it again.

This is why untreated bipolar disorder is often associated with increased episode frequency, greater severity, and cognitive changes over time. This is also why medications like lithium matter—not just for symptom management, but because they can:

• Reduce recurrence.

• Stabilize mood.

• Potentially protect the brain over time.

  
  

Mania: The Part That Feels Like “The Best You”

Mania is complicated because it doesn’t always feel like illness. From the outside, it can look like creativity, confidence, energy, productivity, and charisma. From the inside, it can feel like clarity, purpose, expansion, aliveness, emboldenedness, and even agitation with a stable pace.

This is where treatment becomes complicated. For many people, mania feels like the version of themselves they want to keep. A manic episode often follows a depressive episode, and the individual suffering from it may finally feel alive again after feeling oppressed within themselves for so long.

Many individuals I've spoken to over my time as a clinician report wanting to keep the mania, even if they have to suffer through long debilitating depressive episodes. Not only is aliveness and energy back, but the experience of life is all the more colorful and vibrant. Individuals have told me that their depressive episodes feel and look like a "brown-out," where life lacks color, safety, meaning, connection, and is dull. Then, they come out of that into a wave of energy, a crystal-clear, quick-moving mind, intense feelings of meaning and confidence, and a feeling of connection to life and the world in a way that neurotypicals can't even conceive of.

This is coming from my own experience as a clinician working with mood disorders—again, it isn't everyone or every time. Everyone experiences things uniquely, as Bipolar Disorders are a spectrum. This is also why medications—especially lithium—can feel so difficult. In The Woman in Me, Britney describes lithium as oppressive. I understand that. Lithium can feel heavy. It can slow things down. It can change how a person experiences their thoughts and emotions.

At the same time, from a research-based perspective: lithium is the gold standard treatment for Bipolar I Disorder. It has been shown to reduce the recurrence of manic and depressive episodes, significantly lower suicide risk, and may have neuroprotective effects—protecting the brain from damage caused by repeated episodes. So again, we are left with a paradox:

The thing that stabilizes the illness can feel like it takes something away from the self.

Creativity, Intensity, and Why Bipolar Is Misunderstood

There’s a reason bipolar disorder is often linked to creativity. People like Winston Churchill and Vincent van Gogh are often referenced in this conversation. From my perspective, this isn’t coincidence. It’s intensity. I often think of neurodivergence—and especially bipolar disorder—as a system that experiences life more intensely. Not in a poetic way, but in a literal, neurological way.

Things feel bigger. Thoughts come faster. Experiences are more vivid. That intensity can create brilliance, and it can also create instability. Bipolar disorder is a sharp pendulum. If left untreated, if one pole is mania, eventually, it'll drop into depression at the same intensity. This is where mood-stabilizing medication can be a game changer, as it balances out or caps off the intensity and frequency of the mood wave.

Consider moods on a wave spectrum, like a sound wave. Imagine the more frequent and intense waves looking more like mountain peaks and deep V valleys. Mood-stabilizing medications round out those mountains into less volatile hills and valleys. All this to say, medications are not a fast fix either; it sometimes takes many tries to find the right medication combination and to find the right care, support, and therapeutic and psychiatric system.

Mixed Episodes and Psychosis: The Part People Don’t See

The most dangerous states in bipolar disorder are often the least understood. Mixed episodes—where the body is activated, but the mind is in despair—are strongly associated with suicide risk. I frequently describe this state as an 'energized depression.' Typical episodes of depression may look more like lethargy, sadness, and anhedonia (lack of joy), whereas mixed episodes have intense energy that fuels action, but with a depressive outlook on life, sadness, and lots of shame-driven thought patterns.

There is energy, but it’s paired with pain. Then there are psychotic features, where reality itself shifts. Thoughts become disorganized. Beliefs don’t align with reality. Insight disappears. I often describe this clinically as:

An episodic state where the brain cannot accurately interpret reality.

During these states, the person does not know they are in it. This may look like an individual having paranoid ideation, thinking that people are colluding against them. They may be having delusions or hallucinations and may even look or sound differently than they normally would. Psychosis is a state that usually requires hospitalization or psychiatric stabilization, as the individual in this state truly does not have the capacity to distinguish reality from thoughts.

From personal experience, it can sometimes mimic dementia, in that the personality of the individual suffering from a psychotic episode may not even resemble the person you know. I have experienced people in psychosis not remembering who they are, not having the ability to remember or feel attachment to their loved ones and families. I have also seen those in psychotic episodes walk or talk differently and even start to take on different names or personalities.

Why Insight Is So Limited

This is one of the hardest truths for families:

The person suffering from bipolar disorder may not believe anything is wrong.

Not because they are in denial, but because their brain is not accurately processing reality in that moment. Many times, the individual thinks things are great and that they finally have their energy and clarity back. Individuals in this mindset, which is determined by literal brain chemistry, may not even have the capacity to see rational thought at this point. Family members or loved ones, lacking understanding, may become frustrated with the erratic behavior.

But the truth is harder to hold. Depending on the severity of the episode—whether depressive, manic, mixed, or psychotic—these individuals do not have access to true reality testing. They may believe wholeheartedly in their version of reality, which has been distorted by the illness itself. The potential for reality testing becomes lower as the disease progresses, as brain damage may occur with each episode. In short, individuals affected by Bipolar I Disorder (especially with psychotic features) will not have access to self-awareness, introspection, or even be able to take in alternative perspectives until stabilized. This is not always the case, but I have seen it often.

This is why bipolar disorder often requires psychiatric care, therapy, and support systems. The system cannot always regulate itself from within.

Substance Use: Trying to Regulate the Storm

There is a strong link between bipolar disorder and substance use. From the outside, it can look impulsive. From the inside, it is often an attempt to slow down thoughts, manage agitation, or create sleep. Alcohol can temporarily quiet the system, but long-term, it destabilizes it further.

When substances or alcohol use or abuse are paired with Bipolar, the storm can not only intensify, but there can now be multiple comorbidities to manage. Let's also shift back to Britney Spears, who has described her father as an alcoholic. We know that both Bipolar Disorder and Alcoholism can have biological factors and turn into familial diseases, meaning the symptoms affect the entire family and many, for generations.

Our systems today are not well equipped to treat co-morbid or co-occurring disorders. This is why we see flawed systems such as conservatorships or hear about multiple rehab stints. Although Bipolar Disorder is one of the most historically documented illnesses, we still don't have mental health systems in place that treat Bipolar disorder first. This means that usually, clinicians (unless specialized) in treatment programs are often still in associate training or have general master's level education on mental illness.

Often, in substance use with co-occurring treatment centers, they are privately owned, insurance-based, and chaotic. They don't have the funding to offer well-rounded care for Severe Mental Illness with substance use. They may have the tools to create short-term sobriety, but the underlying Bipolar disorder requires a whole other level of treatment, including reintegration, social skills, mindfulness skills, introspection and self-awareness skills, mood regulation skills, the creation of a healthy lifestyle, coordination with support systems, psychiatrist and therapist, and then support with the creation and sustainability of living on a more defined schedule to keep episodes in check. This part comes (sometimes months) after detoxing from substances, and the addiction itself has been well treated. Even that comes with high ongoing care.

Britney Spears: A Human Being, Not a Headline

When I look at Britney now, I don’t just see what’s circulating online. Recently, she was pulled over and booked for a DUI; reportedly, she had been driving erratically at night. I see someone who has been in the public eye for their sheer creativity and talent, who has had familial and systematic trauma (cited in her memoir), and who has very little structure and support now.

I see patterns that are consistent with severe mood dysregulation. I see someone who has had documented struggles since 2007. I see someone who had structure—however flawed—and no longer appears to have a better or clearer, supportive replacement. I see a public trying to interpret something they don’t fully understand.

Treatment for her now might look more like detoxing, sobriety, mood stabilization, and tiered levels of autonomy for making sustainable choices independently. I cannot say with certainty what she may need, as I do not KNOW Britney Spears, but from what I am seeing, I do feel certain she could benefit from the much-improved channels of care.

My insider information, just from being a clinician in Southern California, is that Britney has attended some of the best and highest acclaimed privately paid treatment centers in California, via the past conservatorship. From those experiences she wrote about in her book, she felt forced to take medication and forced to sit for therapy.

This, however, is not far from how many people feel at the beginning of treatment for addiction and even for severe mental illness. In Britney's case, due to the structure of the conservatorship, she very well may have felt oppressed into treatment, which are valid feelings and common feelings. This is not common knowledge for friends, family members, or fans who don't understand Bipolar disorder and substance abuse or the systems we have in place to treat them.

When I read Britney's memoir, her feelings struck me as total injustice, as I hadn't yet had enough clinical experience with mood disorders to understand those words in context. Now that I do have context, I can hold her feelings and the reality of how her feelings may be affected by Bipolar Disorder itself and the systems that oppressed her. All this to say, I am here to educate and explore, not to judge, and there is more than one truth at play here.

The Kevin Federline Conversation—And Why It’s Not That Simple

I don’t support public criticism between co-parents. At the same time, I can hold this: Kevin Federline has expressed concern about Britney as the mother of his children. Whether or not there are other motivations is not something I can determine. But clinically, this matters:

Bipolar disorder often requires external support because insight fluctuates.

Sometimes support looks like boundaries. Sometimes it looks like intervention. Sometimes it looks like stepping back. There is no one right answer.

We Need Education Before Opinion

I am not here to tear down the Free Britney movement. I am not here to defend the conservatorship. I am here to say:

We cannot have informed opinions about complex mental health situations without understanding the illness itself.

Without that understanding, we default to judgment. And judgment is not care; it is the opposite.

Final Thought: Compassion Over Certainty

I grew up listening to Britney. I’ve listened to her music, followed her story, read her memoir, and now, I see her through a clinical lens as well. What I feel most is compassion. Because what I see is not just a celebrity struggling. I see someone navigating severe mental illness, trauma, family complexity, and a system that doesn’t yet know how to hold all of that well.

If this moment can shift anything, I hope it shifts this:

From “What is wrong with her?” to “What does someone in this position actually need to be safe, supported, and well?”

Until we understand that, we will continue to misunderstand not just Britney Spears, but millions of people living with severe mental illness every day.

Bipolar disorder is not self-correcting. Without consistent, specialized treatment, it often becomes more cyclical, more sensitive, and more difficult to manage.

This is also why structure matters so much: sleep, routine, medication, and support systems. These aren’t restrictions. They are protective factors that help raise the threshold again—so the brain is less likely to tip into another episode.

Clinician's note: I want to dedicate this blog post to one of my personal heroes, Julie A. Fast, who wrote Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder and has leagues of information, psych-education, and resources for the public on Bipolar Disorder and Schizoaffective Disorder. Her books and resources have helped me tremendously in my practice in treating those suffering from mood disorders and in my own personal life understanding how to support loved ones with Bipolar Disorder.

Here is Julie's website: https://juliefast.com

If you are struggling with Bipolar Disorder or you're a loved one looking to support or understand Severe Mental Illness, more resources can be found at https://www.nami.org.